I was totally for John McCain. How can I not? He's a war hero from my home state with the same moral standards I have (throw in a little Bipolar - he was HOT when he was young!!). Even though he is a Republican like our current president, I believed, and still do, that he could make positive changes. Last night I was finally able to find some non-biased comparisons between him and Obama (and it wasn't easy, thank God I got rid of the dial-up), I thought, even though I might not like all of the changes Obama could make, I think he can definitely make positive changes. Although there are almost no Republican bloggers, at least amongst my blog-friends, I will admit that I did vote for McCain to ease my Republican conscience (knowing that Democrats always take Illinois anyway so it really didn't matter).

Switching back and forth between every news channel I could find (on the second most basic cable, no dish, too poor here), the difference between the cable news and the local news is unbelievable. I loved McCain's concession speech, how stupid to believe a politician, but I think he really meant the things he said. You could really feel the hope and elation from the Chicago news reporters, particularly Fox. They actually played the speeches without interruption with stats and opinions. The reporters were so giddy they could hardly speak. I know that sounds biased, but come on, ALL of the news channels wanted Obama to win.

No Republican could have won this race after Bush. I don't even think Christ himself, reincarnated as a Republican, could have won. Our country is poor, broken, and fighting. Maybe people don't realize how desperate we've become as a nation in the past decade, 9-11, bankruptcies and foreclosures, unemployment, war. Yet I'm still surprised that it was enough to stop the asinine bigotry from allowing a black man to become president. I don't live in the projects, but I've always lived in the worst neighborhoods in whatever town I was in. Being half & half, I see prejudice from the white side and from the hispanic side. I've known horrible people of every color. But with our nation's history, I'm just dumbfounded that we have a black president - in a good way. I watched the ballot counts come in with the piglets, trying to explain how historic this night would be. I thought I would be old and gray before a black man or ANY color woman made it to office. I couldn't believe that I haven't heard bitching about choosing between a black man and a woman - I know 20-10-5 years ago we would have. How does this change the prejudices in our society? Or have we all just joined together against a different race to hate after 9-11? I feel sorry for Obama - he has one mountain of crap to change, even with all parties agreeing. I just hope that everyone remembers how high that mountain is when he starts & doesn't point fingers when it doesn't shrink as fast as they want it to. Even with the best ideas, it's going to take a lot of work to fix this mess.

My smart-ass side has been wanting to ask ANYONE this question, that's why I got on here...

Was Jesse Jackson crying because a black man was voted president or because it wasn't him?

Sorry, I just don't like him.

Don't EVEN ask how long it took to get this new template up. Let's just say it was a few days before I figured out that I have Classic Blogger, I didn't know there was such a thing.

I thought I needed a new look. I've had a lot of changes. I have a new job, the one I loved started to run out of money so they sold to a company in California. I miss the girls terribly, but I do like my new job a lot - the people are awesome and there's even some young boys to look at. (For those of you new to this blog, I mean strictly over 21). J moved out, after three years. He lost his job and we weren't sure if he would get unemployment, and I had been looking for a new job for about 2 months, so he moved down south with his family. I had been pretty miserable for awhile. I love him, and I miss him, but I had been praying for over a year that God would get me out of it somehow. We couldn't even have sex anymore because of the pain pills. WHAT THE HELL IS THE PRINCESS GOING TO DO WITHOUT SEX?! The funny thing is, I think he has Bipolar. Of course, he will never admit that, he's not crazy, not like me. I kept giving him chance after chance to make it better, I even got this new job making a ton more money, but he wouldn't, and then the second he got on the train he's texting me that he made a mistake. He is miserable there, but I was miserable with him here, so he has to stay. If it's meant to be, he will find a good psychiatrist I guess.

My 15 year high school reunion is coming up - I can't believe I'm that old. I was looking at the website for it and saw that a good friend had died in a car accident years ago and I didn't even know it. So I started looking up EVERYONE I knew on MySpace and Classmates.com, just to say hi, hoping they wouldn't die before I got a chance to say it. Morbid, I know, but I've had too much of death lately. Anyway, I found a friend from school who was also friends with my ex-husband. We kissed once before met my ex, but nothing ever became of it. The last time we saw him was at our wedding, he didn't even know we were divorced. So we made a date to meet and catch up, and he looked really good and he apparently was either really lonely or thought I looked good too. I will just say, holy shit, if I would have known he was that good I would have had some back in high school! Besides that, it was a really great date, we went out to dinner (he paid - OMG I haven't gone out in three years without paying), then we rented movies and picked up some snacks and we had a really good time. We talked a lot, he was a perfect gentleman. It even took him til 4am to kiss me. He works a lot on the weekends and I have the piglets during the week, so I won't see him a lot, but that's ok. It was so nice to have a friend to talk to. And I have all new alone time material! BP is back, ladies and gentlemen. I've may be a bit jaded from the heartbreak, but dammit, I'm not down yet!

I wanted to post a comment I made on someone's site. I don't usually do that, but it is for you all:

I don't think I realized how much I've learned about myself, how to care for other people, or how much you have all helped me in the past two and half years, until I posted this comment. I'm sure part of my growth was the loss of mom, but having people checking on me even when I haven't posted in six months or more, I can't explain how awesome that feels. We are all so different, but linked by these dreadful, sometimes dibilitating diseases. Some of you are so intelligent that I look like a moron when I post, but you don't care. Some are poor, some are not, some with loving families, some not so much. Even when I'm so low that I can't post, I can still go to your blogs, still get your emails. It sounds so stupid, but blogland has been such a blessing, and may have saved my life. You guys are awesome! I don't get online much because we are reduced to DIAL-UP, but I think about you all often.

Thanksgiving was hard without my mom. J has been unusually cheery for the past week, came to my family's for Thanksgiving and completely rearranged the house and decorated for Christmas. He is finally working - thank God! Although, I think I would rather work and let him be the housewife, and I think it would have worked if I didn't tell him that. I guess young men in their 20's don't like being called a housewife - go figure.

The piglets are good. They are getting along great and seemed to have matured since my mom passed. Little pig is doing great in school. Bigger one is not doing great, but he's trying more. Both are really active in church now and loving it, I'm very thankful for that. I still have nightmares about my mom's death every night. More like the dying part.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me before, but I was thinking about my dad, and I had assumed he felt the same I did because it is the same person we are missing. But, growing up, we pretty much expect to outlive our parents. We hope they will will longer than 52, but in the back of our minds we know that we will someday be without them. This was his wife. He expected to grow old with her. He's planned to watch my kids graduate and get married and hopefully see their children. He never expected to do that without her. I remember when I was first married I would never let the thought of losing my husband enter my mind, it was too terrifying.

Since my mom died, taking care of my dad, J, and the piglets, on top of my responsibilities at work growing daily, and trying to find time for myself even to get to church, has been so overwhelming. I've felt so sorry for myself to the point of pushing everyone away. But realizing this on Thanksgiving, and watching my aunt cook dinner & trying to make everything nice for everyone but wishing her sister were there for her, I realized that we don't all feel the same. I am young and I still have my kids to watch grow, maybe J and I will get married some day. My dad feels totally alone. My aunt has lost a sister and brother, as well as her parents. I guess I don't feel so sorry for myself anymore.

So I've always been a hard worker, and I have the most seniority of the girls in the office (only 4 of us). When the owner sold the company and the last two girls quit at the same time, my boss and I worked alone together for a few months so I am a bit protective of her. Given that, and the fact that if I constantly think about work then I don't have to deal with my mother's death since I can't be sad at home because no one in the testosterone factory can handle a woman's tears, I am quite upset at the girls at work.

The first thing I will say is that they are both PART-TIME. One can't stand being away from her teen-aged kids a full five days a week, and the other just doesn't want to work full time.

My boss is out of the country for a week and a half, and as her assistant, I am in charge FOR REAL, for the first time. The girls have been with us 6 and 7 months. They took this opportunity to tell me that the company isn't growing enough, we don't have any goals and we don't follow thru on any that we do have, and they don't think the boss can focus enough to lead us to growth. Now, in the last 9 months, we've had our company sold, my boss was promoted to President, I was promoted to Admin and learning all new things (besides the fact that I was in the office ALONE for two months and doing EVERYBODY's job, we've had a price increase, we're setting up a new website (which I have to do myself because these lazy bitches won't help me), and we've had to start legal action on an ex-employee for libel. And in our kind of business, it's not like OfficeMax taking business from Staples, it's a much bigger deal for one of our prospects to switch over.

So what do I say? Because my first reaction is to tell them, "Listen biotches, I've done all this work myself before, I can do it again, get the f*ck out!" But I don't think I would be left in charge anymore. Do I just wait until she comes back and let her handle it? I told them to write down what goals we should have, what projects they are supposed to be working on but don't understand, and how they think we should get to where we need to be. Needless to say, I didn't see either of them writing.

But this is what bothers me the most, my boss doesn't hide anything. When we lose somebody, she shares, when we get someone, she shares, any victory - she celebrates with us. I've never been at a place like that. Maybe there is a reason for that, maybe you just shouldn't share all that with all of the employees. I know that I like to be included in the decision making, even when my idea isn't used, and I love that when my idea IS used, I am praised for it and I can work at it and watch it grow.

Grow up bitches, or go to McDonald's!